For every used up, trash bag looking stripper out there, there is one who is absolutely on POINT. From her hair to her nails, from her bikini line to her makeup -- they don’t scream out “I’m a stripper”. They scream out “I am sexy as f***, and I know it”
They have tricks, tips, things they do every single day to look that way. Lucky for you, I was one of those “on point” strippers, 90 percent of the time. The other 10 percent of the time, my perfectly applied face got ruined during the episodes of blackout drunkenness, but hey, I’m not perfect.
Regardless of how I know these things, I know them, and ladies, you are welcome.
Enjoy these tips and tricks to look like a high end stripper, the kind who cater to sports stars and politicians.
1. Take care of your money maker
And by money maker I mean ALL of your body. Don’t drink too much, don’t smoke too much, and if you do, go to the fuckin gym and work it off. Better yet, get a pair of your most comfy heels and work out at home. My ass has never looked better than when I clean the house faithfully, in a pair of 6 inch heels. Promise. Drink more water than Whiskey, correct your posture to stand up straight with your head held high, and for god's sake, exfoliate and moisturize. Your body is your temple. You can’t expect people to respect it if you don’t.
2. If you shave, your skin will misbehave
We all know that the norm is to be as bald as a bowling ball down there. The tides turned when porn stars started shaving it all off, and men started to expect a hairless kitty. It can hurt. It can bleed. It can be the most uncomfortable thing in the world, to shave your pubic hair. But you gotta do what you gotta do. I stick with a landing strip, to make the process less abrasive. No matter what hairstyle you choose for your kitty, there is a simple trick to minimize the damages. Exfoliate your bikini line, use a new razor, and I swear to god, swipe dove deodorant over the shaved area, and razor burn and bikini line bumps will be a thing of the past.
3. If god didn’t give it, buy it!
It’s no secret that women have the option of enhancing their natural features with things like false eyelashes and acrylic nails. If you do it in a way that is class instead of trash, these things can be life changing. When it comes to eyelash extensions, go get them done, girl. If that seems like a huge waste of money to you, hop into CVS and buy the individual lashes, not the strips! Apply at home, and feel like a sex kitten. The nails is a different story. Please, get them done at a salon. a good one. Nail fungus is not sexy at all. You CAN do them at home but that don’t mean you should. A french manicure is always, always classy. Your make up should be tame, demure and timeless. A red lip goes a long way. There are some things you can skimp on, I still to this day use a 99 cent wet and wild concealer, but a 60 dollar foundation. You see where you can mix and match, in a ghetto rich sort of way?
4. Confidence is key
If you’ve never sashayed onto a stage surrounded by men, fully knowing that they will be seeing you naked by the time TOOL hits the breakdown, you don’t know the level of self confidence it takes to do so. I’ve seen BEAUTIFUL women come into the dressing room for an audition, get themselves stripper ready, only to hit the stage and be awkward, cheesy and self conscious. They do not get the job. I worked in such a nice club, and I was a ll tattooed up and shaved the side of my head and I looked crazy/beautiful, but when I hit the stage, and in my various minglings after the stage to get the champagne rooms, I truly did not give a single fuck of what they thought of me.
I did it with confidence, I did it with fierceness. I did no extras, but made so much money, because I oozed confidence. It appeared I loved my job. The confidence in yourself as a women is key to being any sort of sexy. Without confidence, Marilyn Monroe would have stayed at the factory she was discovered in making war weapons. She would have never reached the level of stardom if she didn’t exude straight up sex, and confidence on screen. It’s so important to be confident in yourself and your body because it sets the standards on how other people can treat you. Be confident in your choices, and watch the world transform into something conquerable.
Ladies, I’ve truly seen these tricks and tips work for the women who use them, and I’ve seen some truly beautiful women. Take one day and pamper yourself, spend time with your body, and work it girl.