Flashy Freddy's Friday Fabulous Five - Excuses for the Boss

Freddy Choyle - [email protected]

I awoke this morning to the wonderful delight of an unseasonably warm sun shinning day.Almost immediately the decision was made to take the long way to work and soak up as much of this weather as possible. Than I must admit I became riddled with guilt, as I scrambled through the mental rolodex of excuses. The search was on for the perfect excuse to miss work. The diamond in the rough of white lies that is as believable as it as impenetrable. This Friday's Five are the best possible "Excuses for the Boss" use with caution.

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Warning - Do Not combine or use any of theses excuses multiple times.

#5 -"I woke up sick"  - The most basic of all excuses chances are you've tried this before in your school days. The key to the sick day is keeping it simple. Never get to complex with your "symptoms" or story. It is best however to mention  how you awoke in the middle of the night to vomit. That is the sealer. No workplace wants to be in a room with a sick person. Especially if there is even a slight chance of them getting physically ill.

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#4 - Car Troubles - Chances are if you are looking for an excuse to call out of work you are not driving the latest and greatest in luxury automobiles. Nor are you covered with a bumper to bumper express service warranty package. That is exactly why this excuse plays to your favor. When making this phone call to the office you are going to want to be as vague as possible. "Yeah I don't know, it was making a funny noise last night and today it's not starting." The whole world is aware of how long it can take to have a car issue diagnosed and eventually fixed. Keeping it vague means it could be a number of different things. You could use this to parlay an extra day off. Just keep checking into the office, more to express your frustration with the"situation" than anything else. This will keep there from being any suspicious questions.

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#3 - Death in the Family - I've never myself used this excuse. Karma is a tricky thing. However this is a safe and highly effective excuse. The trick here again is to not be to specific. When calling out of work do not mention a name or relation just go with "we've had a death in the family I'll be in tomorrow." This insures against the certain type of employer who may check the local obituaries to call your bluff. Upon returning to work the next day you will be questioned by concerned coworkers. It's best to go with an in law or a significant others relative. A person whom  you would not be to broken up about. You can even be as bold to state your lack of regret for the loss. However be sure to just as forth coming for your concern for your partner's feelings on the passing. 

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#2 - Personal Emergency Out of Town - This excuses must be executed to perfection or not at all. It essential to the success of this gimmick to use the "out of town" tag. This suggests you have to travel for an above average amount of time occupying most or all of your day. When placing the call to the office  be sure it's to a fellow worker or receptionist. A person who would not immediately question your story. Be very short and try to pitch your voice into a concerned tone. The true genius of this excuse is what happens when you return to work. It will be as if nothing happened, most will be afraid to pry.  If any one has the fortitude to ask what happened or why you missed work you can simply reply "it's personal I'd rather not get into it" throw in an apology and you are golden.

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#1 - Identity Theft - Sometimes it is as easy as just keeping your excuses short and believable. In today's online shopping realm identity theft happens every minute of everyday. It is completely believable to hear that someone you know has been the victim of this. Your employer will not only sympathize with your "problem" he may pay you for the time off. Just be smart, if participate in your company's direct deposit program this excuse will blow up in your face.

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