Game of thrones: round up all the usual subjects!

From TVmeatgrinder

RA Bartlett

So the moment of catharsis has hit. Joffery Baratheon is now destined for one of the Seven Hells (Hey, why not all of them? He's earned it!) And while we at home are enjoying it, the Seven Kingdoms consider this kind of thing high treason and thus, have to root out the culprit. Cersei has placed all her bets on Tyrion, (because of course she has,) but we at home know there are very few people who don't have reason to do the little bastard in. This is what Law and Order calls the "Victim was worse than the perp" conundrum. So let's do a little Hand of the King-style detective work. (And, you know, hope we don't meet the consummate fate of your given detectiving Hands of the King)

*By the way, book readers know the answer, although to be honest, the books leave things kind of ambiguous, to the point George R.R. Martin has to explain what happened in interviews. So I think that leaves things fair game for the show, which has shown it will mix things up. 

Tyrion Lannister

Hey, he's the number one suspect, and he probably has more motive than most, right? (And that's saying a lot) However, as arguably the main character on the show right now, we are more privy to his perspective than anyone else, and as we can see, he has not spent a lot of time trying to come up with assassination attempts. In fact, we can see his plate is a little full trying to make sure his wife doesn't assassinate him (Or herself with starvation,) or that his family doesn't assassinate his mistress. Tyrion really wants to be on the down-low right now.

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Tywin Lannister

Tywin embodies what D&D players would call, "lawful evil". Unimaginably cruel without, oddly enough, needlessly being so. Every ruthless action of his comes with a strategy and objective. So we have to ask, would he have his own grandson mudered to achieve his ends? Every interaction with Joffery is one of exasperation. As the de facto ruler of Westeros, he would probably find things much easier to run without that Caligula Justin Beiber in the way. Also, his attempts to use Tyrion as cannon fodder say a lot about his throwing his own blood in the meat grinder. But one has to keep in mind that 1) He has an irrational blindspot regarding Tyrion (the one chink in his methodical armor), and 2) He's always been kind of passive aggressive about his treatment of his dwarf son. In a way, assassinating his own grandson would be an admission he couldn't control him. He's like that boss that won't fire you, that would mean he made a mistake in hiring you. He'll just murder everyone you love until you quit.

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Sansa Stark

Sansa has been through hell, and offing Joffery would not only be an act of retribution, but a means of self-preservation, as Joffery has made sport of making her feel like her life was on the line. Sansa has also depicted stone-cold poker face and she sure was in a hurry to leave the wedding. Plus, while poisoning the king may be a suicide mission, Sansa kind of has to be talked into wanting to live at times. Not to mention, she did grab and hand the wine cup to Tyrion--the same cup that did Joffery in. Boy is it not looking good for her! However, I think she probably does not have the resources right now--nothing about Sansa has illustrated an expert in poisons.

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Littlefinger

Bet you forgot about old Petyr Baelish! He hasn't been seen yet this season, but he's at least indirectly responsible for more than a few characters' fates, and he was the one who organized the match with the Tyrells to begin with. It should also be said that he has outright stated that the more chaotic things in the kingdom are, the more opportunities he seizes. His tiff with the Cersei means he probably doesn't feel quite as secure, and he doesn't get along famously with Tyrion, so the Imp holding the bag sure is convenient. It should also be noted that he's had a creepy fixation on spiriting Sansa away for a while, and look at that! Sansa is spirited away in all the chaos. Littlefinger probably did not act alone, or directly, but was quite likely a conspirator. (I mean, as I can't state enough, the "Want Joffery Dead Club" is not a small club.

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Olenna Tyrell

Olenna is a combination between the . If the Tyrells are a crafty family, then Olenna is undoubtedly the craftiest. Although she still had to give a little bit away with the "Oh, who would commit murder at a wedding? Who? I mean, you wouldn't catch me doing that. That is a cut below old Olenna Tyrell here. I am a staunch believer in murder-free-weddings. You can read about it in my new book, "Don't Murder People, and Other Important Things, the Tyrell Guide to Wedding Etiquette"."  But why  throw all that money away on a wedding that ends in tragedy? Hey, if you knew today was the day Joffery was going to die, you'd throw a pretty big shindig to celebrate too, wouldn't you?

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Oberyn Martell

The new kid in class, Oberyn could not be prompted fast enough to talk about his hatred of Lannisters and his need to avenge his sister on them. But as for doing it this way? Well, one, it seems he's trying to do a little detective work, first. Secondly, he places direct blame on Gregor "The Mountain" Clegane, and Tywin himself. So while watching the Lannisters grieve might be fun, it's probably in his best interests not to get sidetracked by going after people who, horrible as they are, don't have as much to do with it. Making Oberyn unique in not having a personal bone to pick with Joffery.

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Stannis Baratheon /Melisandre

If you remember last season, Melisandre put a blood curse on Robb Stark, Balon Greyjoy, and Joffery. Robb Stark, as you know, was picked off at the infamous Red Wedding. Could Joffery also be a victim of Stannis's magic-enchanced ambitions? Well, Robb wasn't killed in the same manner Joffery was, but with a sword by Roose Bolton. While this makes for a fertile philosophical discussion about things like prophecy and the exact rules of the arcane, this kind of evidence probably wouldn't hold up in court, even the court of a fantasy kingdom. Of course, as far as the Lannisters are concerned Stannis is an enemy of the state anyways, trying him would probably be redundant.

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Varys

Everybody's favorite eunuch (Well, possibly most people's second favorite eunuch. That's right, Game of Thrones has enough eunuchs that if you don't like one, you don't necessarily have to write the show off if you want some good eunuchs.) is not above a little underhanded tactics to get things done. And he seemed to not want to go to much effort on Tyrion's behalf, afraid of arousing Lannister suspicion. But that Littlefinger is likely in on it probably means that whatever that objective is, Varys, as Littlefinger's rival, would be opposed to it.

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Margaery Tyrell

Margaery is something of a background character in the books, but in the show, is a very interesting figure. We generally don't have a very good handle on what her true moral compass is, as she displays almost nothing but sweetness to those around her, but we're also aware that she has a very calculating side. For fans' part, they've come to appreciate the Tyrells, and Margeary in particular, as the happy medium between the impolitic Starks and the sadistic Lannisters, displaying an enlightened self-interest straight out of Miracle on 34th Street. However, perhaps it's the cynicism the show has instilled in us, that we can't look at somebody so adept at the Game of Thrones without our suspicions being aroused. Is she capable of matricide? Especially when it can be rationalized as preemptive self-defense? It's probably a bit premature to wipe him out before the union has been consummated. One also has to keep in mind that while Margaery is no idiot, she's effectively the student to...

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