raw sex: fantasy vs reality

The Sexual Intellectual - [email protected]

Most of us as humans enjoy variety. No one drinks the same coffee EVERY DAY, eats the same exact meal everyday. Hell! Most of us don't want to look at the same people everyday. Yet when it comes to the bedroom we all want monogamy, fidelity, and loyalty. There is a switch between our hearts, minds and loins that lack communication. When I entered into my first long term relationship, I thought to myself am I ok with this being the only man I have sex with for the rest of my life?!?! I almost gave myself a panic attack! That sounded horrible, yet...

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The thought of allowing him to have sex with other people made my heart hurt. I began to wonder how I could have it all. The variety my animal instinct desired, with the monogamy my heart needed. 

Here's some tips:

• Communication! Tell your partner about your fantasies. Reassure them that it doesn't mean they aren't special or enough for you and that you love and care for them very much and that just because they wont fulfill the fantasies you share, doesn't mean you will cheat.
  

• Role Play: We have all fantasized about that hot gym coach in 8th grade, the towel boy at the gym,  Ms. Smith from accounting or in my case, doing Chris Cornell in his tour bus. So why not make them a reality with your partner? Make it a task for both of you, a TEAM effort! Plan a time, a place, names, clothing and props. Take turns living out each others fantasies, and tell each other which specific scenes, interactions or phrases you desire.

• Use words during sex: It shouldn't just be about the Oooo's and ahhhh's or "Role over." Mental stimulation is important too! Tell your partner what you want to see, the acts you would enjoy and the things you would do with them. Make sure you always include your partners emotional needs and comfort in your desires. 

• Feeling extra creative and open minded? Play the sex role reversal. Let your woman take control, treat you like a woman, make you dress in something pretty for her, while she dons a strap on and commands you to do as she pleases. Remember this isn't about taking control of your partner, abusing them or making them do anything they don't want you to do. It's about opening up to one another, seeing what it is like to walk in each others "shoes" per say. To understand what it is like to act out some of the things we command or expect from one another in the bedroom. (I can guarantee you won't force her head on yourself once you understand what it is like to almost throw up on yourself during a sex act for someone else's pleasure.) Ladies, take control, feel empowered and use this opportunity to explain to your men the things you like and dislike that they do, or things that make you uncomfortable. 

• I recommend all couples, young, old, gay or straight to use every sexual opportunity as a means of bringing yourselves closer to one another, physically, emotionally and mentally. 

Personal experience: 

While my S/O and I were on a cruise together, I secretly brought along my sexy maid outfit. I made believe I was room service, I called him Mr. (insert last name) to make it sound professional and I gave myself some fake name to suit my role. In the act, I kept telling him we needed to be careful not to be caught by his wife, for Mrs. (insert last name) would be back soon. The act was over and I asked if he needed a turn down service. There was no room service, no Mr. and Mrs. so and so but the rush of being dirty and sneaky gave it the fun spice I needed and made for a great memory. 


Who knows?!?! Maybe with enough comfort, trust and support, your S/O will make your fantasy...a reality.