Under The Covers: You Want Me To Put What…Where?

Mya Destinee

Fetishes can be really bizarre and outlandish. I knew a this 80 year old guy who would go to clubs with an electric remote controlled vibrator in his pocket ,paying for dances and whispering bestiality fantasies Into the girls ears. What in the actual hell is that, right? Where does somebody learn to actually LIKE that?

Fetishes develop, we guess, due to a sexual response to a learned trigger, good, bad or ugly. So feet, we know about, would be the trigger due to a past experience that influences the person to feel sexual toward that object or body part. There are lists and lists of really messed up fetishes on the internet. Even for me…even for me.

I took the best, worst, and most hilarious fetishes and put them here!

Enjoy!

Abasiophilia- wanting to bang a person with impaired mobility. Like someone in a wheelchair. To each their own but seriously…what is wrong society?!

Acrotomophilia- this one is even more effed. This is when you really, really just want to bang an amputee. Just get up in there and bang Sir Nubs ALot. Just…no…

Autagonistophilia- Step right up, Kim K and Paris Hilton, this one’s for you. It’s being turned on by being on camera and on stage. Like few women before them, these gals have definitely profited greatly from there knack to film their deeds in the sack.

Formicophilia- being crawled on by…bugs?! No. NO. NO. For the love of God and everything holy about sex, this just can’t be a thing. Please don’t exist!

Forniphilia- turning people into a piece of  furniture. Now, I’d like to point out that this could be many, many disturbing things. You could simply ask your best gal to kneel down and pretend to be a leg rest, or you could kill her and chop her up and use her spare parts to BUILD the furniture. See, fetishes can be awful like that.

Liquidophilia- there are a few select people on earth that wake up and think “ I think today, to get my rocks off, I will dip my genitials into liquids. What kind of liquids? Water, or Milk, or Heavy Whipping Cream for the richness.” No one knows. No one but the one dipping, the dip-EE if you will.

Metrophilia- for the giant pussies out there, this one is being turned on by POETRY! LOL ROLFL,go screw  yourself, Is what I would say to a man who fetishizes over poetry.

Mucophilia-Ugh, it’s being super horny for mucus. Imagine the craigslist add for this fetish:

GUY SEEKING GIRL WITH LOTS AND LOTS OF ALLERGIES$$
Looking for a girl with real bad allergies to come sit in my room full of cats, so I can really get that sexy mucus out of you.
I WON’T murder you, I just. WANT. THE. MUCUS!!
25/hour
Serious inquires only.

Like WHAT is that about? How does one accidently at a young age be turned on by a mucus situation? Ew, on to the next one!

Toxophilia- Bullsye! It’s being turned on by archery. Playing, watching, it’s unclear. You just LOVE it though.

Troilism- this is when you want to see your partner bang someone else, and maybe those partners forget to mention it to the person being banged. Tiny white lie or totally should and definitely in some states is illegal? Up to the Troilist to decide.

Vorarephilia- seriously one of the more messed up fetishes, this is when a person gets hot thinking about wanting to be eaten in one gulp or eat someone in one gulp. So there’s that out there happening in the world. People with Vorarphilia desperately trying to create situations where their sexual partners try to eat them or simulate eating them in one bite.

Zoophilia- classic. Here ya go, Florida, it seems your ENTIRE STATE HAS ZOOPHILIA, judging by the headlines. It’s when you just can’t help banging an animal.

And plain old just awfully messed up, Zoosadism, or seeing animals in or wanting to hurt animals. BOO to that fetish!

The more you KNOW!

XOXO,
MYA