Letters From The Asylum

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With so much going on right now; the NFL Playoffs, the end to the NHL Lockout, Manti Te'o's imaginary friends, and doped-up narcissists... my inbox  has become flooded with questions and comments from Psycho Sports fans about these latest topics in sporting news.  Ranging from serious and thoughtful to the hilarious and bizarre, I couldn't continue to keep these gems to myself... so from my inbox to your screen, I present you with the first ever Psycho Sports Mailbag...

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Chip Kelly just signed on to coach the Philadelphia Eagles.  His offensive ingenuity has earned him the reputation as an excellent college coach, will he have the same success in the NFL?  -Tommy F. (Boston)

KA: Nope.

Firstly, Chip Kelly's offense is successful because he recruits only fast and athletic offensive players. He runs a high-octane, hurry-up offense centered around a mobile quarterback.  The problem with this is... Every player in the NFL, offesne or defense,  is fast and athletic. Plus with a lead-fotted Nick Foles, and with  Mike Vick likely to be cut, they will lack the quarterback who can keep the opposing defense honest. 


Secondly, the road to NFL coaching success is paved with the crushed dreams of college coaches.  Sure Jim Harbaugh and (to a lesser extent) Pete Carroll have had some success with this transition, but they both ran NFL-Style offenses while at the college level... Just take a look at some of the all-time great college coaches, and how they fared in the pros:

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Steve Spurrier
NCAA: 208-77-2
NFL: 12-20

Nick Saban
NCAA: 154–55–1
NFL: 15–17

Lou Holtz
NCAA: 249–132–7
NFL: 3–10

Thirdly... The Eagles don't have the personell right now to make them a contender in any system, nevermind a system that has been untested in the NFL.  They lack an effective offensive line, which is the key to Kelly's offensive success.

However, the fact that Chip's birth name is Charlie Kelly, and is now in Philadelphia does make him a bit of a 'Wildcard."

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This Manti Te'o News is crazy! Probably the most bizzare sports story in the past 5 years right?  Was he in on it?  Is he secretly gay? What's your take? - Joseph D. (Connecticut)

KA: I believe the saying goes: Fool me once, shame on you... Fool me twice, you must have boobs.

I don't know what to think, but I also can't rule anything out.  However, if I go with my gut... It seems like he is a good kid who got duped. Wouldn't be the first time, nor will it be the last time that someone let a woman (real or fake) get the better of them.  That being said, this whole ordeal is a sports journalist's wet dream. 

I think it is too early to tell where this story will rank in the "all-time most bizzare" category, but it is definitely among the nominees, along with:

* Rex Ryan's Foot Fetish
* Sammy Sosa's Skin-Bleaching
* Nancy Kerrigan's Harding Treatment
* Tiger Woods' Domestic Beatdown
* Pretty Much Everything Mike Tyson Has Ever Said/Done

Regardless of the truth, it is tough not to feel bad for the kid... not because of the scandal, but because he is likely going to end up stuck on an awful team like the Jets, Jags or Browns next year.

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Do you think that missing the first half of the hockey season will hurt the NHL in the long run? - Bill W. (NYC)

KA: Not at all!

If anything, it will help the league.  Now, there may be some financial backlash among some of the league's less profitable markets (Miami, Phoenix, Nashville, etc), but that could possibly lead to contraction, which is also a good thing for the NHL.

But here are the main reasons why the lockout won't hurt hockey:

* Most hockey fans are extremely loyal to their sport/team. 
In Canada, and in the other "Origianl Six" cities, the fans will flock to these games, and won't be able to stay mad at the sport that they love so dearly.

* Sports fans have very short memories. 
Remember how the NBA only played a half-season last year?  Oh, you don't? Thats because once the games start, fans start looking ahead, not backwards.

* The Regular Season is too damn long!
A 48 game sprint to the playoffs?!? Sign me up!

So, lets drop the puck, throw a few 'bows, and see a few Gordie Howe Hat-tricks!

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If  Psycho Sports was a Boy Band, who would fill which of the traditional character roles? - Emily (Providence)

KA: Wow.  Tough and weird question... But I like it!

However, since Psycho Sports has recently spun-off a new show (The Weekly Sports Throwdown), I am going to expand this to include all of WBOB Sports. So here is my breakdown:




Chadillac: The Smart, Clever One... do any boy bands have a balding guy?

Pal: The Bad-ass. Crude, rude, and unapologetic.  You don't like him? That's your problem, not his!

Me: The suave one.  Will charm your pants off... at least until you realize that I am full of crap. The one you can take home to mom, but I'll probably attempt to bed her too!

Ryan Fox: The Shy Little Brother.

Mikey Lucas: The Brainy One.

Joe Passarrelli: The Talker. Never met a mic that he didn't like.

Michael Parente: Cool, Calm, Collected.

Steve: Enforcer on the outside, teddy bear on the inside.

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We are down toy the Final Four teams in the NFL Playoffs... If each of these teams was a movie, which would they be? -Eric D. (Warwick)

A: Wow! Another good/interesting question!

So, lets break it down... We have two big match-ups this weekend, the winners advance to the Super Bowl:





NFC: San Francisco Niners @ Atlanta Falcons
AFC: Baltimore Ravens @ New England Patriots



Baltimore Ravens: Lethal Weapon- In honor of the only original player left on the Ravens, playing in what is likely his last NFL Game, there is no better way to sum this squad up than: "I'm getting too old for this S#%T!

San Francisco 49ers: Toy Story- Flashy young action figure (Kaepernick) comes in to replace the boring yet reliable toy chest veteran (Smith).

Atlanta Falcons: Scarface- Both are flashy and entertaining, yet missing a solid core necessary to make either a classic.  In a word: overrated.

New England Patriots: Wall Street- Powerful and ruthless, led by a man who is equal parts genius, ruthless, and cold-hearted.  What makes this team great may also be its biggest downfall: greed.

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That does it for the first Psycho Sports Mail Bag, but stay tuned for more.

If you have a question that you want answered send it to [email protected] or follow this link.

You can also tune in to Psycho Sports for the latest and greatest in sporting news and entertainment; Live! Tuesday Nights at 7 PM

- Kevin Aherne