Can Twilight truly die? Sunlight doesn't seem to work...

Once again, another Twilight movie will be released nationwide, ushering in mobs or fanatic, and completely dense, fans flocking to the movie theaters.  Since this latest movie is based off the second part of the last book, obviously there will be no more movies to come.  Like the Dark Ages, and the Bush administration, all bad things also come to an end.  But is it REALLY the end?

As you know, Twilight is a story of a human girl, played by a girl as bland as porridge, who falls in love with a vampire, played by a more talented actor and a surprisingly cool guy in real life.  And after a series of events, they fall in love, get caught in a love triangle with a shirtless werewolf, have a freaky vampire child, and fight off a secret society of vampires trying to ruin their love, led by the same actor who played a Lycan.  And the moral of the entire story: having a boyfriend is the most important thing in the universe. 

In my professional opinion, the Twilight series is entirely rubbish.  A Disney movie can tell a much better love story than Twilight.  Even my love for video games and clam chowder make a better love story.  Kristen Stewart is such a bad actress, she really is porridge.  Twilight is a mockery of the vampire genre and Stephanie Meyer should feel bad.  I've said this before countless times, vampires do no SPARKLE and werewolves aren’t FLUFFY.  Not to mention the movie series won several Razzies, including worst movie of all time.  I mean, you probably thought that something this horrible can’t possibly have such a huge fan base, right?

…It does.

In the LA premier alone, twi-hards (or “twi-tards”) gathered in the rain and even camped outside, tents and all.  All of them, excluding their boyfriends, are real diehard fans.  All of them with fantasies of having a boyfriend so cool and gorgeous like their beloved Edward or Jacob, despite having one that doesn’t sparkle or run on batteries.  But that’s just LA, come Thursday night, your local movie theater will be packed with giggling fans.  If the traditional vampires can create ghouls, then these fans are like the ghouls of Twilight vampires.  My god…they’re like sub humans.

So as a nerd, I know for a fact that fandom won’t die so easily.  Look at Star Wars and Doctor Who, even after their older variations ceased before their reboot, there have still been fans.  Unfortunately, this is also the case with Twilight.  As long as there are fans, it won’t simply die away.  Even Kristen Stewart stated that it will last forever, and even owed her career to the franchise.  Which come to think of it, Twilight can be looked at like porridge.  It can’t be built up, and it can’t be broken down either.  Essentially, it’s mush.  Vampiric mush.  So I got some advice for you Twilight haters out there.  The next time you encounter one or several Twilight fans, or get into a conversation with one and feel the urge to call that person stupid for not knowing who Bram Stoker is, just ignore them.  Because porridge is not worth the time and energy to deal with.


-"Demon" Matt Little

---