GIANT CATFISH DEATHS LEAD TO CLASS ACTION LAWSUIT

The story of the giant catfish is not over.

The horrifying saga of sexual assault and murder that began in a Louisiana swamp and apparently ended with the destruction of a steroid-mutated finned monster, continues.  The latest scene of battle: a Louisiana courtroom.

The story will be familiar to regular Haunted Cabaret blog readers.  Several persons from the town of Swampy Knoll and the adjacent section of bayou known as Newsom's Bog were assaulted by a giant catfish now known to be the product of steroid and growth-hormone mutation.  The catfish became exposed to the restricted substances when a plane carrying pro wrestlers and other athletes crashed in the bog.  Several bodies were not recovered, providing a tasty meal for local wildlife.  The huge critter was eventually killed by a joint task force of local law enforcement and Louisiana National Guard troops. The controversy, however, does not end here.

Haunted Cabaret and WBOB have learned that a major class-action lawsuit is being prepared against Global Wrestling Entertainment and Major League Baseball on behalf of victims of the giant catfish slain in Newsom's Bog.  Parties to the lawsuit include the daughter of Swampy Knoll's police chief, a molested sheriff's deputy, and the families of guardsmen killed in action.  Also on board is the United States government.

Anonymous sources tell me that noted defense attorney Clarence Ziff has agreed to represent Global Wrestling Entertainment.  "At first we thought it was toxic waste or radioactive waste that created the giant catfish responsible for so much tragedy," says a person close to the matter.  "But it turns out the culprit is that crashed airplane a few years back carrying those juicers to the Hurricane Benefit.  The steriods them so-called athletes was pumped up on, and the hormones, led to the mutation of that poor catfish.  In a way, the catfish is as much a victim as them poor military boys, and our friends and families."

Who eventually prevails in this landmark case we will not venture to predict.

-George Goner 
The Haunted Cabaret