990WBOB
  • WBOB Radio
  • Past Casts
  • Weather
  • F Bomb Friday
    • Crush Cancer
  • About
    • Contact
    • WBOB Press Releases
    • Join Our Team!

giant catfish dies in hail of gunfire

2/26/2013

Comments

 
Tracked to its lair by 200 heavily armed Louisiana National Guardsmen, the giant catfish responsible for sexually assaulting the daughter of a local police chief and a sheriff's deputy has  been destroyed.
"I said we would get him, and by God we got him," said Swampy Knoll police chief  Orson V. Lee. "We showed  that critter he couldn't molest my little girl, and get queer with a  deputized officer of the law in the bargain, and get away with it! No, siree! Not in the great state of Louisiana!"
The monstrous catfish did not die alone.
National Guard Commander Jody Grant led a heroic force of troops, police, and  courageous private citizens on an expedition into the darkest reaches of Newsom's Bog, to finally bring the beast to justice. Fourteen casualties resulted from the action, including nine confirmed dead. The names of the nine have not yet been released, pending notification of families. A persistent rumor that at least two of the victims of the catfish's savage fury were carried from the swamp anally violated could not be confirmed. "We shot the goddam thing full of holes and blew it to smithereens," says Commander Grant. " As far as I'm concerned, the less said about anything else, the better!"
The local police also refuse to divulge any details. 
Chief Lee  did note with an expression of surprise that the local citizenry, living in fear of the catfish since it began its reign of terror, did not greet news of the finned horror's death with the relief one would expect. Instead, they remain fearful. "You'd think they'd  jump for joy to be rid of the scaly perverted sonofabitch," he observes. "I mean, wouldn't you? They seem more scared now. Go figure."
One obvious explanation for the continuing unease is that no one has produced a body. According to  Guard Commander Grant, the giant catfish made its last stand in an underwater cavern, the roof of which subsequently collapsed during the battle. He  described  an intense automatic weapons fire, an ordered retreat, and a last desperate placing of explosive charges.  "It's dead," he says. "Case closed." 
We shall see.
George Goner, The Haunted Cabaret
Comments

    WBOB
    Original
    ​Reads

    Picture

    Unbiased, Unfiltered. WBOB's Original Reads feature our brightest and boldest personalities, offering their two-cents on the goings on of news, sports, politics, entertainment, and business. -- Are our opinions always PC? Nope. Are they always perfect? Nah. But, are they always 100% authentic? Absolutely!


    LISTEN
    ​TO WBOB ORIGINAL PODCASTS

    Picture
    Listen to
    ​Past BOBCasts

    WBOB 
    Best Reads
    Brought To You By
    TripAdvisor.com

    Picture

    Celebrating David Clyde: A Wild Passionate Friend To All


    Picture

    Search 
    The Archives


    Reads From Our Friends

    Picture

    The Best Game Development Tools: How to Make Your Own Game


    Contact Us
    [email protected]


    Archives

    November 2021
    October 2021
    September 2021
    August 2021
    July 2021
    June 2021
    May 2021
    April 2021
    March 2021
    February 2021
    January 2021
    December 2020
    November 2020
    October 2020
    September 2020
    August 2020
    July 2020
    June 2020
    May 2020
    April 2020
    March 2020
    February 2020
    January 2020
    December 2019
    November 2019
    October 2019
    September 2019
    August 2019
    July 2019
    June 2019
    May 2019
    April 2019
    March 2019
    February 2019
    January 2019
    December 2018
    November 2018
    October 2018
    September 2018
    August 2018
    July 2018
    June 2018
    May 2018
    April 2018
    March 2018
    February 2018
    January 2018
    December 2017
    November 2017
    October 2017
    September 2017
    August 2017
    July 2017
    June 2017
    May 2017
    April 2017
    March 2017
    February 2017
    January 2017
    December 2016
    November 2016
    October 2016
    September 2016
    August 2016
    July 2016
    June 2016
    May 2016
    April 2016
    March 2016
    February 2016
    January 2016
    December 2015
    November 2015
    October 2015
    September 2015
    August 2015
    July 2015
    June 2015
    May 2015
    April 2015
    March 2015
    February 2015
    January 2015
    December 2014
    November 2014
    October 2014
    September 2014
    August 2014
    July 2014
    June 2014
    May 2014
    April 2014
    March 2014
    February 2014
    January 2014
    December 2013
    November 2013
    October 2013
    September 2013
    August 2013
    July 2013
    June 2013
    May 2013
    April 2013
    March 2013
    February 2013
    January 2013
    December 2012
    November 2012
    October 2012
    September 2012
    August 2012
    July 2012
    June 2012
    May 2012
    April 2012
    March 2012
    February 2012

Search For Your Favorite WBOB Author,
​or BobCast

990WBOB 
An Independent Media Outlet.

The views opinions and thoughts expressed do not  reflect those of 990WBOB, its management or its staff. All Rights Reserved 990WBOB.com 2007-2020
​
Contact WBOB HERE
Photo from nzhamstar
  • WBOB Radio
  • Past Casts
  • Weather
  • F Bomb Friday
    • Crush Cancer
  • About
    • Contact
    • WBOB Press Releases
    • Join Our Team!