Chief Calamity of our time

Evan McKay

   The desolation of quality film is more like it! Being raped by millions of CGI is possibly the worst movie going experience to date, and I have heard the the Desolation of Smaug does not disappoint. Peter Jackson is so full of his own wiener its hard to believe this movie is not just a Giant CGI wiener!

 Truth be told I have not seen this purported train wreck of a film, yet the descriptions of some of the scenes have me slamming my fingers in car doors cursing Peter Hackson’s name. It pretty much sounds like episode 2 of Star Wars, just like “The Hobbit: an Unexpected Journey” was like “Episode 1: The Phantom Menace”. This terrible trio of films is all about money and keeping kids entertained. If I was 9 years old I would be crazed about these movies! I would be great seeing CGI dwarves fall off everything imaginable.

    I heard they fall of new CGI things in this one like piles of gold, gears, and different rocks. Most of the first movie was the cast falling of thigns so I can only assume that at least 20 minutes of screen time is the cast falling and the fat dwarf (AKA dwarf dwarf binks) landing on someone.

    To top it all off the shred the complexity of the Tolkein universe by making all things that are evil allied. HOW THE HELL DOES SMAUG EVEN KNOW ABOUT THE RING OR SAURON”S RETURN! WHY THE HELL DOES HE CALL IT SOMETHING “PRECIOUS”! HOW CAN A DWARF BALANCE ON A DRAGONS’ NOSE!

    I cant even type about this anymore. I am going to freak out servant of the secret flame style and throw a Balrog off a cliff! Happy Holidays everyone!