Comic Con Winners and Losers: Day 4; The Final Day

Lenny Schwartz
 
Well, it's here. The melancholy final day of Comic con. And it may have been my most favorite, most relaxing Comic Con ever, and makes me excited for next year. 

Sunday is usually "Suck Day" at the con, but in the past two years it really hasn't been. It was just as much fun, if not more fun than previous days. It started off on the bus ride in... I stay out at the Holiday Inn Bayside. Mostly because it's beautiful and away from the fucking mutants in town. Not all of the people in town are mutants but a big percentage are*.

*Mutants and all other forms of life are welcomed to read ahead. Enjoy, freaks! ;) 

Anyway, I'm on the bus. This fellow looks over and gets my attention. Son of a bitch, it's Lloyd Kaufman from Troma films. We talk like the old Jews we are. We laugh. And then I realized... nobody on this bus is over the age of 21 besides Lloyd and I. So we laugh like it's Synagogue on a Friday night. I like Lloyd. He's the real deal and just a fun man. When it's time to get off the bus, he tells me "time to put my game face on.' and disappears into the day.

So here it is! Comic con's last day. Some people are pissed because Kevin Sorbo is a no show/no call... I hope he's okay. I know he's into autoerotic asphyxiation. I hear it's really amazing when you do it and watch old episodes of Hercules. Can you imagine then what it must be like for him? Wow. The Legend MUST continue. But if he just blew it off? well fuck him on behalf of his three fans:)

So we walked the floor... I saw Jensen Ackles and Jared Padilickmyballs from Supernatural, the TV show that just won't die. They seem nice. And all the twerks were yelling "Jared! Get me pregnant!" "Jensen..you are so hot!" Which sounds great IN THEORY, but lets face it, they are on the tenth season of a creatively dry show, their film careers haven't taken off, ladies, they are closer to rehab then you may think. So Practice safe sex when being their groupies. Their expiration date is around the corner.

I saw Kevin Bacon... he seems like a nice guy. It would have been better if he did a song from Footloose but whatever.

I went to Hall H for the panel on THE STRAIN...Chuck Hogan was there with Guillermo Del Toro, and Corey Stoll and Sean Astin and the whole cast. Del Toro was typically hilarious. Hogan was kinda boring. Carlton Cuse was there and he was dull...Sean Astin was adorable, and Corey Stoll came out with a horrible Bon Jovi wig... gotta love a guy who can laugh at himself, and that he did.  And that was it! BUT WAIT I have something special!

I've been saving this all weekend... a collection of things my four year old daughter Callie had to say this weekend at Comic Con! Observations from a four year old!

AND HERE WE GO!

"Comic con boring! You all boring! Go home!" (Callie in front a crowd of people at the convention center Thursday!)

"I love San Dieayago...can we eat here?"

"Why are they sleeping on the ground. Don't they have beds? Go real bed!"(Callie yelling to the people sleeping on the sidewalk for Hall H)

"This is an airplane!"

"It's getting dark. Can we go to the pool? We can have a nighttime party!"

"Get me a Smoothie and a Pretzel Lenny Shorts. Oh. Please."

"Princess Elsa, do you like the moon?"

"I dont know how many poops I made. I think four. Maybe fours (Pause; looks back) yup Four. I'm a GENIUS."

"We're going to the pool! We're too cool for school. We're going to the pool."

"That guy is wicked weirdo with a funny head"(Callie talking about Guiellermo Del Toro.)

"I do art projects too. I draw trees. And animals." (Callie talking to artists Fiona Staples of Saga and Arthur Adams.)

"How about we skip this and go to the pool?"

"Pinkie Pie~! There you are! Don't run off like that again you scaring mommy"

"You are so Lenny Shorts I can't take it."

"I told you this pool was freezing! WHAT!"

"I love donuts!"

"Come cuddle in the pool and I'm kicking my legs for salt."

"Crocodiles get their money out of a river bank. Yeah. That's a funny joke."

"Is it somebodys birthday?  Why is everyone dressed up?

"Oh look It's Spiderman. But...not really.

"Life is funner with smiles."

Sara and Callie dressed up today like Pearl and Amethyst from the show Steven universe and did a hell of a job...Sara went all out and put on purple body paint. It was cool. They had fun. And that's what made comic con great. It's not being an asshole who sleeps on a sidewalk (paying 200 a night to sleep in a nice hotel no less) to see Superman blow Batman while Zack Snyder jerks off under a glass table crying. It's not grabbing that "Rare special edition toy" that you are going to shove up your ass three months later when you realize that it's worthless. And it's not about seeing something first before anyone else... because someone will always leak something online... like the Batman/Superman trailer or the Mad Max trailer.... the person who usually leaks it is usually an asshole... and it's usually a member of the press (The angle the bootleg video is always from at Hall H is usually the side the press is on... just saying.)

It's all about fun.

So there was some winners like the fun and fantastic Avengers 2 Age of Ultron trailer. Some amazing things... the Mad max footage is kinda amazing for me personally. some which are trying too hard, like the Batman/Superman footage.  I know I know it looked "amazing" right? Well take note... it looks like a big dark cartoon... and that's not a bad thing... and Affleck looks good right? Notice he doesn't really talk in the trailer. on the panel nobody talked except Snyder. it was the weirdest fucking thing. Once Affleck opens his mouth as Bruce Wayne amd starts blinking everywhere giving his "wait a second I'm in a movie" blink? it'll be all over. I figure as Batman he's only there becasue they wanted his chin.... and they can probably voice modulate him. But when he's Bruce Wayne it'll be over. Plus he looks like a Gigli trainwreck. And honestly? nobody on that panel looked like they were having fun.

And that's again what makes it the best for everyone. When you seeing celebs like Robert Downey Jr or Mark Ruffalo or Josh Brolin and even Frank Miller having fun it really enhanced the experience.

And me man? I just had a blast. i ran into old friends like Ricardo Marin at 3am by the San Diego Bay for instance. Made new friends like the fantastic Justin Harder (please check this guy out... he did the end credit sequence of Thor 2) or actor/producer Eddy Salazar (check out this guys reel online... he's very good) or meeting the fantastic Michael Varrati for the first time, or having dinner with my good friend Chris Ferreira and getting to know his girlfriend Kerry Giorgi a little better (she's great,) it was a wonderful journey for us all around.

So whether you like sticking your dick into Furbies and smashing jelly on your chest, or tickling your taint with old issues of Swamp Thing crying about the golden age, or dressing up like Mario and Luigi and playing "hide the pooka" with a loved one... there really is something for everyone here. Even if you are a miserable bastard. This is a place where people do have the time of their lives. Its an addiction. I'm addicted. you would be too. Life should be like this all the time and it's a shame it isn't. But it can be. And that's the hope.

i finish this year's writings by the fucking pool again. Watching my daughter swim at 9:20pm at night not wanting to go back home but knowing I must. Yes we had a night time pool party yet again. Callie loves them. and fuck it why not? So I type away happily... soon I have to go to my room and stick my dick in a Furby while shoving a Flobee up my bum bum on high... and I am just happy.

This is was another good comic con. Another good moment in life. Another good few days with my wife and daughter. And with my fellow freaks.

I salute you all.

And the rest of you?

Go be a freak. Whatever that means to you.

Have a good life.

And be happy. There is nothing else beyond that.

Til next year:)

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