Re-Writing Classics: Baby It's Cold Outside -- Without the Rape Vibe

Kevin Aherne

It's a holiday staple, a classic call-and-response duet, and a pretty epic reference to date rape. So, being that it is the end of 2015, it may be time to retire Frank Loesser's 1944 song "Baby It's Cold Outside"  -- at least in it's current form.

With lyrics like "Say What's in this drink?" or "What's the sense in hurting my pride?" the jovial sounding song is actually really creepy.

​So, in honor of Christmas, and to update a classic so that it doesn't -- ya' know -- trivialize sexual assault, here is an updated version of Baby It's Cold Outside, now featuring consent!

Baby It's Cold Outside (Consent Remix)

I really can't stay - Well bundle up, it's cold outside
I've got to go away - I'll hail you a cab ride
This evening has been - I'm glad you had a good night
So very nice - I'll hold your hands (as long as you say it's alright)

My mother will start to worry - Tell her I said "hi!"
Father will be pacing the floor - Then let's get you home for sure
So really I'd better scurry - Good point, let's hurry
Maybe just a half a drink more - Only if you're absolutely sure

The neighbors might think - They will think "what a lovely pair"
Say, what's in this drink? - It's just water in there
I wish I knew how - I'll get you home, so you can get sleep
To break this spell - I'll get your coat, before the snow gets too deep

I ought to say no, no, no - And I respect that choice
At least I'm gonna say that I tried - You are entitled to your voice
I really can't stay - Then let's get you home
​
I've got to get home - Oh baby, I'm going to get you there
Say, lend me your coat - Take my gloves, I have another pair
You've really been grand - You're as perfect as can be
Why don't you see - And I know that you respect me

There's bound to be talk tomorrow - About our mut-u-al respect
At least there will be plenty implied - That we truly do connect
I really can't stay - The Uber is on its way

Because it's con-sent-u-al

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The Original "Rapey" Version