San Diego Comic Con: Winners And Losers; Day 2

Lenny Schwartz 

"I want to go to the pool, Lenny Shorts!"

Yup. I'm officially a parent of a four year old girl. A four year old girl named Callie who is OBSESSED with only three things. The pool at our hotel, her "Pinky-Pie" from My little Pony and thirdly, PRINCESSES!
I kid you not. Every time we see a girl dressed up as a Princess at Comic Con it's "pull the carriage over Lenny Shorts!" and i pull over the carriage. It doesn't matter if the woman is a crack whore, my four year old wants a picture. And goddamn it, it's enjoyable.

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But we pulled over at least Five-Hundred times in three days. "ARIEL! Pull over Lenny Shorts! ELSA! LENNY SHORTS PULL OVER! Belle!I can't BELIEVE IT! PULL OVER SHORTS!" But she is actually great and is calm during comic con. Hell she was asleep when Spielberg took the stage a few years back..I fell asleep five minutes later. But yes she's great and it's her fourth time... and she's having fun. And she's awesome. When Some asshole this morning dressed as the pulp hero "The Shadow", decided to come up to her and say "I know what evil lurks in your heart little girl" Callie replied "I got a Pinky Pie Pony." causing everyone to laugh at him. And then when he said to her "I am the Shadow ha-ha-ha-ha-ha" Callie replied "You stupid boy. I go to the pool and you not allowed." Everyone laughed at him again. It was awesome to see "The Shadow" near weeping. Don't fuck with Callie Shorts fool. I'm glad Callie took care of it too... because I was about to step in. I was ready to kick old Lamont Cranston in the balls... but She took care of it.

So begins Friday at Comic con... and it's been another fun day. I'm very happy and mellow this year... a laid back regular guy! Hahaha I think i needed to kick back and relax a tad... and i Have. peace reigns. Nothing is even bothering me this year... not even the fact that every fucking fuck-face that has long hair decided to dress up like the Matt Smith Dr. Who! Nor the fact that everybody fucking gets to the convention hall at 7:30am... and they don't even open the fucking thing until 930am. Let me tell you, I showed up at 9:31am today and got right in. But I understand their mentality. They think they are going to get an EXCLUSIVE TOY early. To which I reply "Grow the fuck up, buy a Playboy (or Playgirl) grab your plumbing if it's still there, (They may have traded their junk for an Amazing Spider-man 300) and give yourself what they call in Britain "a wank." Seriously, these people scour the fucking convention hall looking for a replica of Captain Kirk's left nut and ya know "Beam me up Scotty!"

The Matt Smith Dr. Who thing really creeps me out though... these fucking kids dress up like Matt fucking Smith and looking for "companions" and I wish to god a Tardis would drop on their fucking heads... Ah well. At least there were only a few people dressed as Heath Ledgers Joker this year. They must have gotten the memo that the Dark Knight was seven years ago and it's just damn morbid really. But hey I'm in a great mood! I ran into "The Walking Dead" cast again...they nearly ran me over like a herd of zombies actually going to their signing. Got to say hello to Norman Reedus... he's a great short dude. He had to go to the signing so he said something to me. I think he said he wanted to fuck me... maybe I read that wrong. I dunno. Maybe I should have said "I got a Pinky Pie pony, Norman Reedus."

And the celebrities are in full force! Daniel Radcliffe was here for HORNY! I mean...HORNS!! Fuck we all saw his penis already on Broadway in "Equus" so who cares!

The one panel of special mention I will say is for the animated "Book of Life"... not because of Channing Tatum who was here and Zoe Saldana... but because of artist Justin Harder who worked on the film. Fuck Channing Tatum...(DOWN LADIES WHO ARE ALL SAYING "dibs!") Side-note: I actually saw Tatum a few years back for the panel of the Soderbergh film "Haywire"... and it was cool... he was chill and funny. Justin, in addition to being a great guy, is a fantastic artist who worked on the film and man is his work magnificent. I got to talk to him twice this convention... and he is just the real deal. You probably even have seen his work on the last Thor film... check him out at www.clausstudios.com. He's got my vote for artist of the convention.

I got to chat with screenwriter Michael Varrati of "Sin Of Dracula" and "Tales of Poe"... great guy another man who is the real deal... I have a feeling you'll be hearing his name more and more in coming years. Check him out at Imbd! Michael was on a panel for Queer Horror tonight at comic con.. and it'll be the first of many I'm sure. It's nice when you meet someone who's work you respect... and then they turn out to be a great guy too. You can't fake genuine, kids. And Michael is exactly that.

I have seen a few other celebrities walking around...Vera Farmigia, who always is nice, Mark Millar who is always nuts, and Kevin O Neill artist of League of Extraordinary Gentlemen who is always British.

The Game of Thrones panel was today in Hall H... And The Game of Thrones panel was going on to anyone who ate at Miguel's Mexican Restaurant this week! Holla!

So that's it.

I'm done for today...tomorrow begins the motherfucking quest wicked fucking early to see if I can scope out the new MAD MAX FOOTAGE, the only fucking thing at comic con I really want to see.

So here I am, I'm by the pool again typing away like Gossip Girl on acid ready to give my "Xoxo Gossip girl" like the bitch I am. Life is good again.

However this Dr. Who thing is REALLY pissing me off. I saw like 100 of them... man-children dressed as the Matt Smith Dr. Who. Today for fuck's sake. There they are, strutting around comic con like the Eunuchs they are... these androgynous dorky faced ass-clowns from the seventh dimension, pig-fuckers... who for some fucking reason were born and raised as assholes from space... I fucking hate them and the cloud they fucking rode in on these MOTHERFUCKING freakshows of a pimple on the ass of a Jonas Brother... get a fucking life you pieces of shit, you pieces of dog turd, I spite you and the vehicle you rode in on... Because mommy drove you, you fuck, mommy drove you and paid for your Looney tunes poster and....

Oh!

I'm by the pool.

And My daughter is swimming. She's swimming by herself.

I have to go.

Till tomorrow.

Xoxo.

Gossip Girl

(aka Lenny Shorts)

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