The Do's and Don’ts of Outdoor Sex

Mya Destinee

Nature can be very arousing. The natural sunlight and fresh air can be a real, exhilarating, intoxicating mixture. It very may well make you drop those panties. 

So, here are some Do’s and Don’ts of Outdoor Sex, for your reading pleasure!

Do
Be in a secluded area. We all saw the video of those nasty ass people banging right out in the open at a dollar store in Woonsocket. It was disgusting, her ass just smashing on this guys penis, just smashing right on it, disgustingly, where everyone can see. That will lead to a misdemeanor, for sure. Maybe a felony if they really want to make an example of you. 

I’m talking more of  “take your boo on a hike through the woods, wear that little sun dress with no panties, and f*** up against a tree while you are secluded, hidden, but still a slight chance of getting caught to spice it up a bit” kind of thing.

Don’t
Be worried about getting dirty. Your outside, things happen. Bugs, leaves -in-the-hair, sand or dirt in places it shouldn't ever, ever be, is a possibility. But that’s what you sign up for. F*** it all to hell. So what? Your little sun dress now has a stain on it. The sex you just had should make up for that.

Do
Clean up after yourselves. Don't throw a used condom on the ground, that shit is nasty, just take it with you and throw it in a trash can like a decent person. I banged this guy once in the woods, it was sexy and hot and we could have probably had sex again but he tossed a nasty ass used condom on the god damn ground. Nasty. Needless to say, we never did bang again. 

Don’t
Don’t expect it to be like you see in the movies. I guess this goes for all the sex you see in movies. That’s a movie. It will ever be like that in real life. Just because you see that crazy broad in Gone Girl getting banged in a library doesn’t mean you can too. Unlike in the movies, you will be friggin charged with a crime, because banging in the library is illegal.

Do
Be cautious of when and where you sex it up outside. I’m telling you, do the dirty outside, yes, but I am also warning you to stay away from schools of any sort, don’t do it, just don’t. Libraries are off my list as well. I mean, do you really need to be banged that bad that you are willing to go to a school playground like you are twelve? Jesus, class it up a bit.

Don’t
Worry. It can be very exhilarating and even a bit nerve wracking to have sex outside, but that adds to the fun, the naughtiness of it all. If you are so worried about being caught that it is not enjoyable for you, then stop it, go somewhere more private, and continue your quest to coming. It’s not for everybody and that’s okay.

Do
Have a blast. Some of the best sex can be that ‘pull the hell over, i need you right NOW’ sex. It feels good to be wanted that badly that you are willing to risk being caught to get that other person in and around you. Have the confidence to pull this off, by not caring about what any other person will think.


You know, I think I may take my future ex-wife camping this weekend….

XOXO