BDSM is f*ucking everywhere, thanks to 50 Shades of Grey. You’ve read the books, and like me, will probably see the movie (look for the review on WBOB, coming to a computer screen near you!!).
The thing is, you can’t just start shoving ass hooks and studded whips at your partners direction and expect things to go well. You've gotta ease into it. Experimenting with new tools, toys and play is half the fun on the road to hardcore BDSM, anyways. Since BDSM means a lot of things to a lot of people, there is no one way to do it right. There are conversations involved between partners, and a sense of safety and comfort is paramount in these sexual situations. Nothing about BDSM allows someone to get hurt if they are not willing for the pain. Take your sex life from mediocre to mind-blowing, following these simple, yet filthy tricks.
You wanna try
You want to try out a ball gag and handcuffs. Seems innocent enough. You envision your partner, bound and silenced, the ball gag muffling the moans of pleasure. You imagine total control. Or maybe you’re the one who desperately desires the need to be silenced. Try a smaller ball gag with holes in it. It allows for newbies to breathe while still being silenced and humiliated. Instead of cold, hard metal handcuffs, start with nylon rope, which allows for some movement, some leeway. You can always graduate to the big boy toys, but you get the same feeling of control and humiliation with the BDSM-lite tools.
You definitely want to try
Bondage and whips. You may go right for the hardcore stuff like metal tipped leather whips or the full body latex suit to meet your needs. You may even be interested in suspension, tying your partner up so they dangle from the ceiling in any position you choose. You envision teaching your partner a lesson. They have been dirty, bad, they need to be taught. You see yourself whipping, teasing, and tightening the straps, until your partner is begging like a dog for it. You might be the one who needs to be taught. Instead of building a sex dungeon in the spare bedroom, right out of the gate, try using a under the mattress strap system, one that is easily hidden. Once your partner is tied down, try using a feather tickler the first time. Tease them, tickle them, use the tickler to explore, titillate. Take note of their reaction. Punish them when they try to reach further than their ties allow. Have fun figuring out what turns your partner on, what reactions they have to your action. The idea of starting off lite is growing with your partner. You can move up from a feather tickler, but you can’t take back scaring the shit out of your partner with a heavy leather whip. Take time, and talk about the experience with your partner later.
You HAVE to try
Ass play. It’s a scary subject for some women. I’m guessing that, if you and your partner have decided to participate in BDSM behavior, you are open to anal, or at least voyaging there. The reality is, anal can be one of the best, most enticing and good feeling sex acts ever. Men: If you do it right, she will want it again. Woman: don’t be afraid to enjoy anal, but know your limits. As you walk the isles of the sex toy shop with your partner, you will see small dildos, large vibrators, toys designed to stretch the ass, and anal beads. Glass dildos are perfect for anal. Whatever the case, choose a toy or two that are within your comfortable size zone. You don’t have to jump right for the 17 inch dildo. Anal beads are good to start with. The beads get larger the further they are inserted, allowing for a comfortable stop point. Imagine tying your partner face down, so they are helpless to the situation. Making sure there is enough lubrication, slide the anal beads in while you penetrate her. Do it slow so she can feel everything. You want to stop if it’s super painful or your partner objects. This is a sex act that can be very pleasurable, but it needs to be mutual. Anal sex can be the key to more powerful orgasms for her, and more gratification for him. Starting with small anal beads or a small dildo gives the room to grow into bigger beads, dildos, or human penetration. The act of anal sex is viewed as a dirty, filthy or slutty one, and that’s part of the reason it can be so fun. Missionary position can be fun, I guess…but so can releasing your inner slut and letting your partner go to town on that ass.
It wouldn’t be BDSM without...
It wouldn’t be BDSM without a little sensory deprivation. There’s no easy way to start being blindfolded. You either do it, like it, or don’t, and never know. You envision your sightless partner bound, not knowing what you will do next. You envision her pleading with you to make the next move, to get her off. You know you have all control of the situation, she knows you have all the control, and that’s hot. The blindfold can be used to increase the rest of the body’s sensitivity. You lose your sight, you gain the ability to truly feel what feels good or not. Try a soft, satin blindfold to start, with the room for growth into a full latex face mask that completely restricts the head movement.
BDSM acts can be really sexy, and lead to a more open sexual relationship between you and your partner. It allows you to go further, be more curious and talk more about sex, and desires. It takes time, research, and compromise. Safety and comfort are key here. You want to push your partner to their limit, and visa-versa, but no one wants to be seriously hurt. You, and only you, can decide what you’re comfortable with. Start off slow, and grow with your partner. Use these tips above as a guide to some of the most mind-blowing sex you’ve ever had.
Have fun, and don’t forget the safe word!
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