By Scoop Fox
Hello everybody. Guess who's back? It is I, the Fantastic Mr. Scoop Fox. The temperatures are slowly cooling down, the grills are heating up, and everybody is spending more time at home on Sundays. Means only one thing: FOOTBALL!!!!
Like Elvis Dumervil’s agent, I was an idiot and forget to submit my Denver Broncos/Baltimore Ravens pick (psst…spoiler…I was going to go with Denver anyways). So therefore, I shall penalize myself in the loss column. But that’s not going to stop WBOB’s world renowned Fox Pick’ems from taking place. No sir.
In the spirit of football, I shall not bore thy fans who are wet with anticipation with remedial and trivial tidbits. Instead we'll go to a 2-minute drill of pick’ems. Take it away Mr. Swanson.
Week 1 Record: 0-1
2013 Season Record: 0-1
NOTE: All games are in Eastern Standard Time. If you’re not from the Eastern Time Zone, you better learn how to tell time better.
Sunday 1:00 PM
New England Patriots @ Buffalo Bills
Who will be in Brady’s crosshairs for catches now that his favorite targets are gone (Wes Welker), injured (The Gronk), and on trial for 1st degree murder (you know who)? Survey points to the youngins like Kenbrell Thompkins. Either way, they’re facing a Bills team without a QB or a brain for that matter.
Tennessee Titans @ Pittsburgh Steelers
I feel sorry for the idiots who have Titans RB Chris Johnson on their fantasy. Wait…DAMN IT, I’M STARTING HIM IN THIS ONE! FUUUUUU-
Atlanta Falcons @ New Orleans Saints
Matt Ryan vs. Drew Brees. Falcons Receiving Corp vs. Saints Receiving Corp. Who is going to dominate the air? Though I think the bigger question is rather which defense is going to make the most stops.
Tampa Bay Buccaneers @ New York Jets
Newly acquired Bucs D-Bag...I mean DB Darrelle Revis is going about how Jets rookie QB Geno Smith did not ‘study film’ on him. If Smith did, he’d see a prissy little bitch who held out 3-4 years in a row for a bigger and better contract, that was frequently battling injuries, and lives in the past. I’m going with the Bucs in this one just because at least they got a beast in Running Back Doug Martin on offense.
Kansas City Chiefs @ Jacksonville Jaguars
It’s going to be a looooong season for the Jags when their big announcement was the fact they changed their logo. Kansas City had the talent. Now they got the coach to utilize it as well as a competent QB to lead that offense.
Seattle Seahawks @ Carolina Panthers
I almost believed in the hype of an improved Panthers QB Cam Newton. Key word is almost.
Cincinnati Bengals @ Chicago Bears
Chris Farley, do me the honors of telling the people who I’m going to pick in this one.
Pick: Da Bears
Miami Dolphins @ Cleveland Browns
Wait….you mean to tell me the Browns are still functioning as a football team and haven’t moved to L.A. Well, this changes everything now.
Minnesota Vikings @ Detroit Lions
Megatron wasn’t Megatron last season. Last season, Megatron became Galvatron and set records that not even the great Unicron could foresee. Now if he could only find his Cyclonus and not a Starscream. Instead he got just a lot of Sweeps. Still beats the Vikings though.
Oakland Raiders @ Indianapolis Colts
Raiders begin their quest to become the 2nd 0-16 team in NFL history by dropping this game in Indy.
Sunday 4:25 PM
Green Bay Packers @ San Francisco 49ers
Green Bay brings a new running game lead by the big bruising rookie Eddie Lacey. However the 49ers defense was 4th last year against the run, lead by studs DE/OLB Aldon Smith and MLB Patrick Willis. Packers defense also looks a little shaky with the departure of CB Charles Woodson.
Arizona Cardinals @ St. Louis Rams
The good news for the Cardinals is that they got a new QB in Carson Palmer and RB in Rashard Mendenhall. The bad news is that they’re both fragile players and are playing behind a Cardinals offensive line that allowed a league high 58 sacks and averaged a league low 75.3 ypg rushing last year.
Sunday 8:30 PM
New York Giants @ Dallas Cowboys
Fun fact: Since the New Cowgirl Stadium was opened in 2009, the G-Men are 4-0 when they play the Cowgirls there. It’s sad to see a franchise that was once dubbed ‘America’s Team’ turn into the NFC version of the New York Jets. I lie, it’s glorious! I hope Jerry Jones never steps down.
Monday 7:10 PM
Philadelphia Eagles @ Washington Redskins
F*** the Eagles and their overrated head coach. Seriously! They preach about doing a fast-paced offense but has anybody realized that THEY CAN’T TACKLE ON DEFENSE!
Monday 10:20 PM
Houston Texans @ San Diego Chargers
Wait…there’s another Monday Night Football game? Wow…did not see that one coming. Oh wait, I did. If you got the Houston Texans defense on your fantasy team start them in this one. DE J.J. Watt is going to make QB Phillip Rivers his b****.
That’s all folks. Tune in next time for another fun episode of Fox’s Pick’ems and be sure to tune in Wednesday nights 8-10 p.m. for Live Mike, I mean Psycho Sports. This is Scoop Fox, signing off.
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