How Ya Like Me Now?

By Michael Parente

Rob Gronkowski may be dumb, but he sure as hell isn’t dumb enough to kill a guy, leave the body a mile from his own house and ditch the getaway car rented under his name at the crime scene. 

Nor is he dumb enough to smash his home surveillance system, hire a cleaning crew to scrub down his house before the police search it, or smash his own cell phone and have his attorney hand the broken pieces to the authorities.

The brittle, insipid meathead last seen body-slamming his bros at a Vegas nightclub with a bum forearm before undergoing surgery for the thousandth time this summer suddenly looks like Deepak Chopra compared to Patriots’ teammate Aaron Hernandez, who has been linked to the homicide of a Boston man who just so happened to be dating the sister of Hernandez’s baby mama.

After years of drafting and acquiring players with questionable backgrounds and piss-poor attitudes, it appears the Patriots’ own arrogance has finally come back to bite them in the ass. The idea that they can squeeze every last ounce of productivity out of a player who has either worn out his welcome or failed everywhere else because they’re smarter than the rest of the league also led to the recent signing of Tim Tebow, more trash the Patriots think they can turn into their own treasure.

Maybe this whole thing is karma for cutting Kyle Love two days after he found out he had diabetes, or some long overdue reparations for Spygate. Maybe this will knock Bob Kraft off his dais and onto his rear-end, or – if we’re lucky – finally end the notion that this franchise holds its players to a higher standard of behavior (see: “The Patriot Way”) when it’s been clear for years they’ve been willing to sweep any and all discretions under the rug for the sake of winning. They tolerated Corey Dillon and Randy Moss as long as they performed and then cut their ties as soon as they turned back into pumpkins. They’ve welcomed Aqib Talib, a roided-up, hothead who pummels taxi-cab drivers, with open arms because he’s the only one on the team who can cover an opposing wide receiver. Even Albert Haynesworth got a shot despite going full retard behind the wheel of his Ferrari back in 2008 and leaving an innocent pedestrian paralyzed, not to mention planting his seed in a stripper two years later and leaving her knocked up, broke and alone. I didn’t even touch the Chad Ochocinco debacle.

We don’t know for sure whether or not Hernandez actually killed this guy, but enough evidence has emerged within the past 72 hours to the point where we can safely assume he’s more involved than we originally thought, and we also know he had some dirty laundry coming out of college, too; hints of gang ties and other questionable behavior (failed drug tests, etc.) caused his stock to drop considerably during the 2010 draft. The Patriots grabbed him in the fourth round, and, until now, it appeared Hernandez had cleaned up his act, or at least created enough of an illusion to earn a five-year contract extension last summer with a $12.5 million signing bonus (the highest bonus ever given to a tight end).

What seemed like money well spent for a tight end that exceeded all expectations now looks like a wasted investment on a player whose skeletons are bursting out of the closet one-by-one. In addition to the possible murder rap, we also learned this week that Hernandez allegedly shot a guy in the face in February following a beef outside of a night club in Miami.

There’s no semblance of consistency when it comes to prosecuting athletes for horrific crimes; Michael Vick nearly lost it all for killing dogs, whereas Ray Lewis walked away unscathed despite blatantly obstructing justice after two guys were stabbed to death outside of his limousine at a Super Bowl party. In any event, it appears Hernandez’s next catch will be in the Angola Prison Football League, not Gillette Stadium. Gronkowski – with all his flaws on display – suddenly doesn’t look so bad after all.