Super Bowl Sunday is the day every year that the entire world actually agrees on something.
Eat like a filthy animal until breathing becomes a secondary thought. The statistics of pizza, wings, and chips eaten on this international holiday just continue to grow each year into the hundreds of millions, and the calories fly into the trillions. Most people have the generic go to foods at their parties, but I’m here to help you liven up your Superbowl party and seperate it from the rest of the pack.
Here’s nine recipes you need to devour at this years Superbowl party:
9. Let's Get This Bread- Instead of throwing together a few ham and cheese sandwiches with that aging loaf of bread, let’s actually make something worthwhile out of that thing. And for this circumstance, no we won’t be using it to hit Giants fans over the head with, although, that is a fantastic option as well. For Superbowl Sunday, you have to make a delicious bread pudding. Cinnamon, sugar, vanilla, eggs, all poured over stale bread and baked, it’s like French toast that was sent down from heaven and blessed by Mother Teresa, this is a must have dessert or entree I certainly won’t judge.
8. Inflated Balls- “HAHAHA the Patriots Deflated footballs!” Shut up you pigeon, you know that was a witch hunt by Goodell. Now that we have that out of the way, I have an appetizer that will blow your guests away. We’ve all had a meatball, and by themselves they’re pretty great, but add some Mozzarella to the middle and we have a whole new ball game. Make your everyday meatball mix, but before rolling them into balls add a nice big piece of Mozz into it. Ohhhh baby watch the mouthgasms insue.
7. The Guido Slider- If you haven’t read my last name yet, or just can’t put two and two together, I’m Italian so these are legitimate necessities to have at my party. This isn’t your normal slider with ground beef and the works, but instead chicken parm like you haven’t seen in your life. Make that breaded cutlet, cook up a nice gravy, throw some cheese of your choice on top of all of that, and put it in between a delicious slider bun that has been topped with olive oil, garlic, and basil and bake them to a golden brown. By the time it’s finished you can consider yourself a made man. “Leave the gun, take the sliders.”
6. Stay Equipped with Dip- We all have that one lazy ass friend that we can just count on to bring chips, and then act like they contributed to the feast. Well you need to be prepared for this, because that person is coming whether you like it or not. Always have a dip ready to save the day, and not just any dip but an amazing artichoke, red pepper, mayo, and cheese combination that will make that bland tortilla chip worth putting out. Once this is mixed and baked, throw on your cape you have saved the party from boredom.
5. “The I’m on a Diet”- Listen the New Year just started, everyone is “on a diet” at the moment, and there’s going to be a few hardos that make believe they don’t want to take part in the international holiday. You will need to have an option for them at dinner. Now, it’s the Superbowl so you don’t have to go too healthy, but instead just make believe to ease these health freaks minds. Throw some spinach, grilled chicken, sauteed bacon, apples, walnuts, and onion in a bowl mix it together, and drizzle it over the top with a red wine vinegar and dijon mustard dressing. It will be great, and don’t worry, there’s plenty of calories packed into every bite.
4. Hydration Violation- We both know you made a bet on this game for an amount of money you’re not proud of. Don’t let that keep you stiff all game, make a punch that packs a punch to keep the “how will I pay my bookie” edge off. You’ll need some vodka, beer, club soda, and lemonade to make this. It’s quick and easy, and will only take you a few minutes from start to finish. It’s perfect for all parties, except for ones with frat guys involved (you know what I’m talking about). Drink responsibly, my degenerate gamblers.
3. Not Winging It- It doesn’t matter what house you walk into, or what continent you’re on, there will be chicken wings served on February, 3rd. Like everything else on this list, we’re not going to be serving the everyday buffalo or barbeque wings that we’ve been so accustomed to eating. These will be baked in the oven at 425 for 40 minutes, and while they’re cooking start simmering the sauce. Orange juice, honey, hoisin, and soy sauce combined leads to a combination almost as good as Belichick and Brady. Put this over your wings, and you have the best glazed orange chicken wings in the world.
2. Caking it Up a Level- A cake is necessary to have at your party, but I’m not talking about that dry overly sweet cake that has five pounds of icing, and a goalpost on it like you would usually be served. No, no, noooo. I’m talking about the best kind of cake, a big ole ice cream cake. You don’t even need to prepare this, just buy it from your local supermarket and enjoy. It’s a no brainer, can’t miss dessert, don’t get cute just get the cake. I don’t care if it’s snowing outside, ice cream cake is the go to.
1. Lobstah Pasta- So far we haven’t had any pastas or seafood, well let’s just knock that out of the park in one recipe then! Lobster might be a little steep for some people’s taste, but c'mon it’s an international holiday that only comes once a year. Splurge damnit. This will be the best thing you eat all year, not to overreact, but will also be stupidly simple to make. Lobster, cheese, macaroni, bread crumbs, and throw that into the oven until it looks like a bubbly jacuzzi. This had to be the number one recipe for your party, without it you may as well just cancel, with it your party will be remembered for decades if not centuries.
If you’re hosting a party this super bowl you better have all nine of these on the menu. I mean at least five? You don’t want your party to be forgettable, and I know you don’t want to let me down. This is a combination of food, cultures, and desserts that even the biggest snob will have no choice but to love. So, let’s get in the kitchen, let’s rack up the calories, and have a meal only great enough for a holiday as special as Super Sunday!
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