Over the past several weeks I have repeatedly used the forum of my Haunted Cabaret radio program, here on 990WBOB.com, to warn about the danger posed by the arrival upon our shores of radioactive tsunami waste from the nation of Japan. For the most part, these warnings have gone unheeded. Now, I'm afraid my worst fears have begun to be realized!
Ms. Melody S., a loyal Cabaret listener, reports having seen "a creepy thing with long icky arms" squirm ashore in the early morning hours of September 2, just outside the small coastal town of Vera, California. The young woman had just regained consciousness following an all-night party and gang-bang on isolated Garo Beach. She describes the creature as having the size and general shape of "a huge pair of purple-gray baggies with a big bulge." The courageous young woman managed to snap several pictures of the weird critter before fleeing in terror.
Though poor in quality, what these images show is not reassuring.
There is a definite Lovecraftian quality to the thing, especially in the tentacles; enough so, in fact, to provoke initial suspicion of a hoax. After exhaustive testing, we have been assured by several experts in photographic trickery that the photos have not been altered or retouched in any way. We have forwarded copies to the appropriate government and military authorities.
Ms. Melody S., who requested that her real name not be used, is recuperating from her terrifying ordeal at her parents' home in Denver, Colorado. She refuses to be near water or to eat calamari, once her favorite appetizer.
There is no proof, of course, that this incident is related to the tons of contaminated debris deposited onto our coastline over the past several months as a result of the tsunami, but the facts speak for themselves. The Japanese government authorized building nuclear power plants a couple feet above sea level in an area of active earthquake faults. Those reactors were breached. As we've pointed out before, nothing radioactive leaves Japan without mutating into something hideous.
Around here, if it looks like a radioactive Japanese mutant, and sneak attacks our women like a radioactive Japanese mutant, what the hell else is it?
- George Goner
The Haunted Cabaret