Doran: I’m Here, I’m Queer, I’m... Perpetually Unemployed?

Kelly Doran

Saturday afternoon, my day off. I find myself lounging in the bathtub, seeing as how I have 10 minutes alone -- my wife had taken our son for a bike ride. 

The phone rings. I let it go to voicemail. I know it can’t be a good call. 

Of course, it’s my brand new job --calling me on my day off. At 1:30 in the afternoon. 

“We’re going in a new direction. You are a very nice girl, but we’re just…just no…”

Ah…the every familiar “going in a new direction’ excuse. An age old excuse preventing truths from coming out. Truths like” we’re going in a new direction…far, far away from you. Because YOU are what we DON’T WANT. 

I’ve been working since the age of 16. I've worked in telemarketing, family restaurants, strip clubs, casinos  -- you name it.  I Worked two jobs while I was a very pregnant 19 year old. I advanced, earned my GED when my son was just 2 weeks old. I went from shitty job to shitty job, but always climbing up a step in the latter whilst doing so. I assumed, for a girl in my situation, a girl with a baby and no baby-daddy, that I would have to step up, gradually, because college was not an option at the time. I assumed I would have to pay my dues until I got to where I wanted to be. 

I could not have been a more stupid, naive 19 year old mother of one.

I’ve clawed. I’ve climbed. I’ve been unemployed and employed in rapid sequence for 2 years now. The difference being; I’ve never been fired from a job, not ever…until I met and married my wife. Since then, I’ve been let go, heard the same “new direction” excuse multiple times. I married my wife a year ago, have been with her monogamously for two.

Anyone else seeing any parallels? Parallels of the Homo variety?

I’m convinced now, my sexuality is more influential than I ever expected. I, at 5’8, skinny, lanky, feminine girl, do not come off initially as gay. I think it shocks people. I think, when they find out how I identify, it makes them feel betrayed...  how could I have not mentioned something earlier? I think, it makes people think that I’m different than the person they hired.

I've gone over all other possibilities. I’m an insane person? I’m an unbearable boss? I’m unfair, rude, arrogant, ruthless? But then I am reaffirmed over a bottle (or 2) of wine with a friend that I am none of these things! 

I’m smart, and capable. Am I rough around the edges? Sure! The only constant that I can come up with: My gayness. My undying love of other women. 

I want to scream, “We are just like you. We stay in and watch an ungodly amount of Netflix together. We argue. We have sex, we go to sleep.” 

Not every night and not always in that order, but we do the same things you straight people do. I have no penchant for mass-underage-orgies.  I’m not out to convert your kids. I’m not hiding some sadomasochistic fantasy…I’m not even hiding the fact I’m gay.  I just want to work and make money…just like YOU do.

It’s 2014. We’ve come a long way from the days of being arrested, humiliated, and prosecuted for loving who we love…in the justice system, anyways. In this day and age, people won’t outspokenly tell you the reason you don’t fit in is because you are gay and pretty and too strong-willed to be a good worker. No. People won’t tell you that it’s just this little flaw, this little thing that makes you vastly different. Even different from the gay boys. Being a gay girl, in some ways, is worse! Nobody expects me to be gay because... I don’t know? I don’t wear flannel, don’t do gay things, I don’t walk around saying “yes, look at the tits on her!”.   

The point of all this? I have 286 dollars to my name. Rent is due in 5 days! 

I’m an extremely hard worker actively seeking employment. After a decade of working crazy, 80 hour weeks, I have nothing to show for it... because I’m just different. I’m just female. I’m just gay. I’m just heavily discriminated against. 

I posted a status on Facebook asking other females to share their stories with me, of discrimination. The response? That Facebook does not have enough room, it is not big enough to hold all the stories of discrimination against females, against mothers, against gays. I know I’m not the only one. If I was, the Rhode Island LGBT Center would not exist. Youth Pride, Inc. would not exist.

All I’m asking for is a little understanding . Maybe I’m just looking for answers. I have a family. My family and friends are affected by this conscious or subconscious discrimination and hate. Literally, we can’t choose who we love, and who we love should not interfere with the right to liberty and justice. It only gets better when we make it better.

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