My Little Kony

I've been brow-beaten into discussing Joseph Kony, the child enslaving new media anti-darling. As if it's suddenly a news flash: "Hey, Africa is a really effed up place". You don't say...as a matter of fact, I talked about this several weeks ago when it was first announced that we were sending troops into Uganda. The liberals must REALLY be short on hopeless causes to suddenly start caring about Africa. Quick lessons: Uganda is land locked (which historically might as well just be a synonym for "war zone"). 

Like most of Africa, the aboriginal tribal warfare was interrupted by (in order) a) Arab Muslims b) European explorers (British in this case), c) Protestant then Catholic missionaries. And like most of Africa, once the Euros got kicked out, the "white" Muslims and Christian "blacks" continued their ageless tribal warfare. 

Again, this is all very general. Africa is much more complicated than a FB post, and a lot more brutal. I mean, jeez, they still practice cannibalism
in Uganda!! Not just the magical pygmies either!! Though not everyone eats them for their magical qualities, some just like the taste. Either way, everyone agrees that pygmies are grade A quality. Ugandans also think women with long vaginal lips are magical. And have been known to cut them off and eat them before raping and killing the woman it was once attached to.
 
Which brings me to Kony.... Let me be very clear about Kony: there is nothing special about his brand of brutality. Nothing. Not even any innovation. At least Gen. Buck Naked in Liberia had a gimmick: raping and pillaging and massacring without the hassle or restraint of annoying clothing. Or if it were particularly brisk, his men wore women's clothing. One of the rallying cries against Kony has been his use of children, whether as soldiers or, ahem, concubines.

Again, this is nothing new. This is primitive warfare being waged the way primitive warfare has been waged from the beginning of time: War without Battles. Now try and look at this logically. What makes more sense? Get all of your best guys, line them up on the battlefield against the other guy's best, then let them have at it? OR...scare the living bejeezus out of the villagers with your reputation of brutality, swoop in unannounced and kill all the men, force the older boys into following you, and keep the women to raise your own soldiers/kill the women to prevent them from raising the opposition's future army?

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AND if you go with the scary bad guy routine, you also run a lot of your enemies into the jungle. The same jungle which brought us not only malaria, but AIDS and ebola! In other words, a stone soup of physiologically destructive goodness!! And guess what? Even if you get rid of Kony, you don't solve anything. Nothing. It's cyclical. And look who the "activists" want to help!! The government which is also known for committing "human rights violations!!!"

The same government accused of torture...against "opposition party" members of Parliament. Picture your local city council member getting her finger nails ripped out just because she voted for a new crosswalk downtown. So yes, the do-gooder liberal activists pretend to finally care about Africa. 

How I Met Your Mother must be in reruns or something. This is Africa!!! There are no good guys. Taking sides should not make you feel good about yourself. And, if you really want to look at this coldbloodedly, you can't
even call the children "innocent". Not when they're indoctrinated at birth to hate the opposing tribe. If you're looking for innocence in Africa, try the wildebeasts or rubber trees. 

-Kevin Willette

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