Pyongyang, We Have A Problem

Anyone who calls North Koreas rocket launch a "failure" or "embarrassment" should just get out of the news business now, because they are obviously unfit to analyze anything more intellectually intensive than a bikini contest.

Why are we being told this NK rocket launch is a failure? Because it crashed into the sea? Okay fine, so tell me what failed exactly. Were we hoping to have a chance to shoot it out of the sky ourselves? Hoping it dropped bioweapons over Tokyo? 

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Two Facts About North Korea to Remember

• NK is about the most isolated place earth, so its very difficult to get good Intel on what they're up to. Conversely, they have one of the greatest intel/spy agencies in the world, a communist staple. 
  
• Under the Kim dynasty, NK has been FUCKING INSANE militarily. Which often hinders their spy work. As an example, some years ago they sent a bunch of spies into SK, armed to the teeth with AKs and RPGs. Problem is, they swam to shore with the only orders to blend into society. Of.course they were arrested shortly after arrival, seeing as soaking wet guys with heavy artillery looking to rent a room usually gets peoples suspicions up. Yes, this really happened.  
  

Point is, Kim Jung Un is not looked at the same way as his father was by the top military brass in the country. He's seen as too soft, likes the people too much, too much Western influence. The rumors of his assassination and subsequent military coup a while back shows the perceived weakness of his regime. 
 

So what does Jung un have to do to get some respect in his own dictatorship, for chrissakes? He COULD massacre some civvies or some other inhumane act. But like we established, he's got a soft spot for the peasants. Or he can tell the rest of the world to shove it and launch his new toy.  

The North Koreans have been doing this crazy shit for years! They set off atomic blasts underground. They leveled villages and starved their people to death just to show off their military balls. This is how they do it. They rattle their sabers, the UN "warns" them (begs) not to do it, they do it, the UN says "hey, that wasn't very nice", and NK laughs at the rest of the world. That's the difference between them and most of the rest of the world. Lots of leaders like to talk up a storm, promising blood and death, or worse SANTCTIONS AND RESOLUTIONS!! Ooh, scary! And nothing ever happens. Quadaffi was known for this for decades. The NKs on the other hand tell you they're going to do something, then do it. 

An example of the depths of craziness in NK Leadership...  This is the actual North Korean broadcast of the 2010 World Cup opening round match up against Brazil, that they lost 2-1. 

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Besides Kim Jung un getting his cherry popped on the UN's sanction list...do you really believe that the only thing you test on a rocket launch is how far it goes?? The logistics involved is beyond anything you or I could fathom. So what happens when this rocket actually succeeds? NK might (doubtful) suffer real consequences in the global community, or at least make some new enemies.   

So, the rocket was never meant to succeed.  It was just get our attention, and let Kim the younger show off his new balls. Oh and tell Obama to screw. 'Food? We don't need no stinking food! We got rockets!" North Korea has traditionally gotten off on slapping Americas hand away. 

The rocket wasn't meant to fly. And the media is played again. Why don't I work for the Pentagon??  

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Dictated But Not Read By
- Kevin Willette