Re-Writing Classics: Baby It's Cold Outside -- Without the Rape Vibe

​​Kevin Aherne

It's a holiday staple, a classic call-and-response duet, and a pretty epic reference to date rape. So, being that it is the end of 2016, it may be time to retire Frank Loesser's 1944 song "Baby It's Cold Outside"  - at least in it's current form.

However, President-elect Trump might declare an Executive Order to make it the official Christmas song for the U.S. 

With lyrics like "Say What's in this drink?" or "What's the sense in hurting my pride?" the jovial sounding song is actually really creepy.So, in honor of Christmas, and to update a classic so that it doesn't -- ya' know -- trivialize sexual assault, here is an updated version of Baby It's Cold Outside, now featuring consent!

Baby It's Cold Outside (Consent Remix)

​I really can't stay - Well bundle up, it's cold outside
I've got to go away - I'll hail you a cab ride
This evening has been - I'm glad you had a good night
So very nice - I'll hold your hands (as long as you say it's alright)

My mother will start to worry - Tell her I said "hi!"
Father will be pacing the floor - Then let's get you home for sure
So really I'd better scurry - Good point, let's hurry
Maybe just a half a drink more - Only if you're absolutely sure

The neighbors might think - They will think "what a lovely pair"
Say, what's in this drink? - It's just water in there
I wish I knew how - I'll get you home, so you can get sleep
To break this spell - I'll get your coat, before the snow gets too deep

I ought to say no, no, no - And I respect that choice
At least I'm gonna say that I tried - You are entitled to your voice
I really can't stay - Then let's get you home
​
I've got to get home - Oh baby, I'm going to get you there
Say, lend me your coat - Take my gloves, I have another pair
You've really been grand - You're as perfect as can be
Why don't you see - And I know that you respect me

There's bound to be talk tomorrow - About our mut-u-al respect
At least there will be plenty implied - That we truly do connect
I really can't stay - The Uber is on its way

Because it's con-sent-u-al

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The Original (Rapey) Version