​The Idiot's Guide to Social Media Behavior

Pal

The picture above is the exact example of improper social media etiquette and is an actual post not fictitious or altered in anyway. The names have been blacked out as this piece was posted for entertainment - not malice.

However, this woman with strong presence public life as a politician and a pundit, has chosen to make this memorable occasion of the first picture of her child a public conversation piece and for all the wrong reasons. People everywhere in the Ocean State are talking about this. The Aaron Hernandez murder is in full swing and all anyone in Rhode Island can talk about is "I  REALLY can't believe she posted that!"

As this the lesson of "what not to do," here are a few examples of when Social Media Goes Wrong

"I don't you usually do this, but..." 

Yes you do! 

Right away you start your statement with a lie. How can I trust you now?

Naturally whatever follows "but" is probably deep heart pouring gooey emotional stuff that most likely should not be put out for public display.

Maybe a private talk with a friend a relative, or... I don't know, a therapist. Did you know they have therapist you can text anytime of the day now?

Seriously, they do - check it out!

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Vacations 

This is a double evil issue that must be addressed individually.

• "I can't wait to leave for vacation tomorrow"

It would literally be less threatening to open your window and yell out for three solid minutes the same phrase over and over again.

Your neighbors would be more likely to think you are having some tough times and maybe even become a little scared and dub you the "crazy neighbors" That would ensure that people stay away.

• "Take us with you."

We get it you are having a great time. Your trip looks terrific. I wish you the best.

Now please don't misunderstand, a picture here or there - I like. It's kosher.

However a barrage of pool activities, please spare us all.

I love you, but whatever happened to getting away to get away?

Wonderful, you worked hard and you are rewarding yourself. Congratulations, sincerely! I mean that.

​But, please in the future, I didn't ask to go away with you, so have fun - and when you get back, maybe share as one big album instead of seven days, six nights of just you, her, and your 5,000 friends. ​

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The Drink Pictures

Wow a Bloody Mary!

Ohhhh that beer looks yummy.

It was cool to brag about drinking up until about the age of 25 (though I might be being a bit generous on the age and a tad hypocritical on this one).

Yet still I must say.

GFY: Good. For. You.

Or replace that F with a word that rhymes with puck, and you might get the picture.

Enough gibberish and enough with the drink pics. You are an adult. Try to act like one and try not to act like every drink is your first. That's the first rule of being cool.

And if I am completely reading the situation wrong and your constant glamour shots of cocktail concoctions are really just a cry for help. then I apologize.

Here is a link for that.

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​Friending The Strange Hot Chick 

It happens often so don't be surprised or lie and say you haven't gotten even a little intrigued by this strange hot chick from just up the highway a bit that wants to be your pal. 

Sorry to burst your bubble, but it's neither anything hot or probably not even a chick. 

It's a hacker or at the very least a phisher looking to obtain names for databases. For which they can sell later to advertisers, as they may better place their products among key demographics. 

If you don't quite grasp that it's fine. Just understand it's not a hot single girl who among the endless sea of profiles randomly fell in love with your profile pic of you drinking a beer at the ball park. We'll get to that later

However if you need help meeting women here's a link.

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Chain Surveys

Seriously what are we in third grade. 

Why? 

How is this a good idea?

Remember those hackers I mentioned just a few lines ago? Yea they come into play here as well. Do you think I'm full of it?

Do you think I'm asking far to many questions?

​Probably... but I am not full of it and I'll prove it to you with a few more questions. I'd like you to think of the last two or three people that you know whom have had either their bank or credit information stolen.

How many of them were careless with their information? You know, filing out random surveys at the mall or online. 

My point is they were either careless in that way or on social media. Leaving themselves vulnerable. If you don't buy that theory for why surveys are silly and dangerous, then go watch an episode of Law & Order SVU or NCIS - or something.

I know I know it's television but the fact remains cyber stalkers are everywhere and they are not looking for you with good intentions. They prey on those who are easy targets. Chain surveys reveal personal info the same type of key information or words people often use as passwords to online accounts. 

Get it?

Think about it. All a hacker needs is your email address and the name of your first pet and BOOM your hacked!


Disclaimer:
I had fun writing this piece hopefully I did not offend to many social maniacs -- but if I did, maybe they shouldn't be so vulnerable. - Adam Palazio

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