In recent days, I noticed a certain pattern coming together. A pattern, woven with the right threads, formed into a tapestry of patriotism and all things American. Why do I say this? The answer is all around, and under your nose, and is showing off their big trucks, practically saying “hello world, I have a small penis.” Can you feel it now? It’s starting to feel more like ‘Murica lately. Now how do I put into words to describe how I feel? Let’s begin with the start of this season.
As anyone knows, fall is the time of Football, stuffing our faces with enough food to feed Africa, and lots of shopping. Basically, all the things that keep capitalist America going. But this always rinses and repeats every year. So what’s so special this season of this year? Oh right, we had an election this year. And we see once again, as with the Bush era, the division between the Americans and ‘Muricans. This time, we’re smart enough to vote for the better man for the second time, and everything afterward is just gravy. Yet the ones who didn’t vote for Obama want their home states to secede from the United States since they think that a democratic *cough*black*cough* president would ruin their country. And who knows, we may go into another civil war.
And speaking of civil wars, it also seems like great timing to bring out new movies and video games that involve patriotism and lots of guns. Now we a legitimate and historically sensitive Lincoln movie, where he doesn’t slay vampires this time, but I’m sure does a bit of Tae Kwon Do. And there’s also a remake of Red Dawn, the awesome story of a small town fighting off foreign invaders. This time, the invaders are…Chinese!? Yeah sure, give them ideas, why not.
Well, at least I’m more of a video game fella, so let’s hope these new titles are good. We got Assassin’s Creed 3, where you play an assassin killing off red coats in the Revolutionary War, and your BFF is George Washington. Huh… OK, there’s also Black Ops 2, and they’re… whoring out to Mountain Dew. Well OK, how about Halo 4… also whoring out to Mountain Dew. Right then, I guess they’re just not trying to make a decent game anymore if they want to whore out to Mountain Dew.
In that case, let’s see if there’s any good news. Well the US is going to help Israel with the whole fiasco going on in Gaza. Oh nice, another excuse to use bombs, kill terrorists, and get oil. Enough of the news, then.
Soooooo yeah. Bottom-liner, getting fat, unhappy conservatives, Lincoln, whoring out to capitalism, war. Well I’m done with this miserable post. Happy Thanks-killing Indians and steal their land-giving to you all. Now let me play some fitting music.
-"Demon" Matt Little
Unbiased, Unfiltered. WBOB's Original Reads feature our brightest and boldest personalities, offering their two-cents on the goings on of news, sports, politics, entertainment, and business. -- Are our opinions always PC? Nope. Are they always perfect? Nah. But, are they always 100% authentic? Absolutely!
Read More WBOB